The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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