i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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