Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
