Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
