just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
