just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
