oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
