I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
