from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
