There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
