I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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