Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
