look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
