Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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