I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
a search helicopter?!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
