now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
