we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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