I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
