my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
