I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
