apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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