i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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