So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
MIDGETS
????
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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