Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
