she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
