watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
