No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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