3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
