Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
