If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
