i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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