im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
