Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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