Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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