Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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