did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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