is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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