Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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