My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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