M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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