The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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