I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
this just has baby written all over it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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