I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
