ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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