I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize