we need to drink 2009 down the drain
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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