As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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