Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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