so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
