im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
