I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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