i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
