Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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