dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize