Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
