i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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