Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
