somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My penis needs a shock collar
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
