yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
