Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We are two peas in an std pod
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
