I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
