He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
