like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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