Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Shame - the story of my life.
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