So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize