It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
