my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
