I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
