So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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