i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
