sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize