I need help removing her.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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