I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
